


The Bores and the Bored

by Brate



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-16
Updated: 2011-04-16
Packaged: 2017-10-18 03:29:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/184503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brate/pseuds/Brate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><em>Society is now one polished horde, Formed of two mighty tribes, the Bores and the Bored.</em><br/>-Lord Byron</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Bores and the Bored

Strolling through the halls of the SGC, Colonel Jack O'Neill peeked inside the office of Doctor Daniel Jackson, archeologist, linguist, and one of his best friends. The good doctor was sitting at his desk—a desk of which Jack could actually see the surface.

He leaned against the doorframe and cleared his throat. "Are you sick?"

Daniel looked up at his intruder. "No," he answered, "I'm bored."

"You're depressed," O'Neill guessed.

"No, I told you… I'm just bored."

Eyeing his friend, the colonel shook his head. "I don't believe you."

"Obviously." Daniel continued straightening the papers before him.

"You've never willingly cleaned your desk."

"Unless I'm bored."

"You've never done it before."

"I've never been this bored." Daniel squirmed as Jack stared at him. "Stop watching me."

"You _are_ sick."

"And you're thickheaded."

Jack snorted. "Tell me something I don't know." He picked up one of the papers from the desk and scanned it. "Does this actually mean something to you?"

"Of course."

"Are you sure?" Jack held it up to the light and eyed it critically. "'Cause it looks like gobbledygook to me."

"It's Phoenician," Daniel declared, plucking the paper from Jack's hand and filing it away.

Jack hid a smile and picked up another. "What about this one?"

"What about it?"

"Looks like something Charlie would've drawn in preschool."

"It happens to be an original copy of a Mycenae scroll," Daniel said, clearly affronted.

"An _original_ copy," Jack scoffed. "Isn't that an oxymoron?"

"You would know." Daniel snatched away the rest of his papers before Jack could continue. "Is there something you need?" Daniel snapped in frustration.

"No… not especially."

"Spill it."

"It's nothing."

"Come on. You'll tell me eventually."

Jack sighed deeply. "I'm bored. Carter is messing with a reactor thingy, and Teal'c is off Kel-no-reeming. I need someone to play with."

"I can't right now. I'm busy."

"You said you were bored!" Jack accused.

"Not _that_ bored."

Jack waved his hands over Daniel's desk. "You were _cleaning_ ," he reminded.

"Okay, I _was_ that bored. But I already have plans tonight."

"Take me with you," Jack pleaded.

"No."

"Why not?"

"You won't like it."

"I will."

"You won't. And you make me suffer when you are miserable."

"I promise I'll be good."

"Hmmph," Daniel grunted unbelievingly.

"Scout's honor." Jack held up three fingers.

"That isn't even close to the Scouts' sign."

"So sue me. Come on, Danny Boy. Let's have an adventure."

"Don't you get enough thrills on our missions?"

"Apparently not."

"All right," Daniel finally conceded. "You asked for it."

Jack parked outside Daniel's apartment and joined the archeologist in his car. Automatically changing the radio to a station of his preference, Jack beat out a staccato rhythm on his thighs, stopping only when Daniel pulled into a large lot and parked.

Jack eyed the store before him warily. "What are we doing here?"

"Grocery shopping."

"Why?"

"I need groceries."

"This is your 'plans' for the night?"

"I told you that you wouldn't like it, but you wanted to come with me, and I am going to the grocery store."

"Fine." Jack pouted until they walked inside the store. "There's so much food here!" he said, looking around like the proverbial kid in a candy store. "Ooh, look at all the fruit."

"Amazing," Daniel deadpanned.

"And cucumbers. I love cucumbers!"

"My God, have you _ever_ been grocery shopping before?"

"In a grocery store?"

"Yes."

"No."

Daniel stared at his friend in awe. "What?! Why not?"

"Sara usually took care of all that or I grab something at the commissary. Beside, the convenience store near me usually has everything I need: beer, hot dogs… Cheetos."

"Incredible," Daniel said. "I can't believe you continue to function as a fairly normal adult."

"Thanks," Jack preened.

"Let's just get this over with." Daniel walked through the remaining aisles, picking up only what he had written on his list.

Jack followed, placing a few extra items "of necessity" into the cart.

They paid, drove back to Daniel's apartment, and put all their purchases away.

Closing the last cupboard, Jack rubbed his hands together. "Now can we do something fun?"

"Actually," Daniel said, "there is one more thing I have to do. When I'm able, I try to walk my neighbor's dog, Goliath. Angela Martin is arthritic and can't get around easily."

"That's cool; I love dogs."

Strolling next door, Daniel took out a key and unlocked it. He yelled inside, "It's just me, Mrs. Martin," and then whistled for the dog.

Bounding out at the call, a tiny, nearly hairless dog came yelping to the door.

Jack backed away in horror. "That's not a dog; it's a rat!"

"Quiet, Jack, Mrs. Martin will hear you."

"I doubt that, considering how loud you had to yell." Jack eyed the dog with a raised brow. "Does he really need to go out? Can't you just hold him out a window and squeeze?"

"Jack, that's enough! If you must know, this is a Chinese Crested, purebred." Daniel picked up the dog and closed the apartment door behind him. Jack marched to the elevator, refusing to look at or acknowledge his friend. The doors closed. He glanced over at Daniel and saw the dog had been covered with something pink and fuzzy.

"What the hell is that?" Jack asked, aghast.

"A dog coat," Daniel calmly replied. "Goliath gets chilly."

"If he had hair like a normal dog, he wouldn't need that."

"But this breed does not normally have hair, so the point is moot."

The elevator doors opened, delivering the trio to the main floor. Once out on the street, Daniel bent and placed Goliath on the ground. Keeping a tight hold on the leash, he followed the excited dog down the lane. After a few hundred yards, Daniel bent down and started carrying Goliath again.

Groaning melodramatically, Jack asked, "What are you doing?"

"What do you mean?"

Jack pointed at the dog resting in the crook of his friend's arm. "I thought he needed a walk."

"He does," Daniel explained, "but he's so small, he tires fast. So I'll carry him for a while then let him walk again and so on."

"Let me get this straight—you're _carrying_ the dog on his _walk_."

Knowing what would be coming next, Daniel said, "Part of it, yes."

"For crying out loud!"

"Oh, bite me!" Daniel snapped.

Finishing the walk in silence—except for Jack's long-suffering sighs—they dropped the dog at his home and returned to Daniel's apartment.

"Okay, now what?" Jack asked.

Daniel stopped his motion toward his bedroom. "Now _what_ what?" he asked in confusion.

"What's next on our agenda?"

"Going to bed?" Daniel offered.

"You're kidding, right?" Jack looked pointedly at his watch. "It's only nine o'clock, Daniel."

"Maybe here," Daniel agreed. "But on Abydos it's four in the morning. Way past my bedtime."

"Come on!" Jack was very close to whining. "Grocery shopping and walking a Chinese breast dog were _not_ adventures."

Daniel folded his hands in front of him. "What would you like to do, Jack?"

"I don’t know."

"Well, it is not my job to entertain you. I'm not your keeper… although sometimes it feels like it."

"My keeper. _My_ keeper? Who is always saving your butt?"

"Teal'c," Daniel stated.

Jack ignored him. "It's me, that's who. Fixing all your messes."

"Oh, that is rich." Daniel chuckled in delight. "This from the man who shoots first, then tries to question the corpse!"

"That's it!" Jack stood up and stormed to the door. "I am out of here."

"Fine by me," Daniel countered.

Flinging open the door, Jack marched out. Just before it closed, Jack poked his head back through the door. "Hey, Daniel, what are you doing tomorrow?"


End file.
